So I had a sex dream and I’m not sure what to think of it.

It was with Christian Bale. (I’ve sort of been watching kind of a lot of his movies lately because he’s Matt’s favorite actor.) But he was a very bad man in my dream. I don’t know why he was bad, I just knew he was a bad man and he just sort of took me and away he goes on me. But there was someone sleeping next to us and if they woke up and saw the two of us, we’d be in deep shit. I don’t remember who that person was though. It was either Hugh Jackman or my sister.

Then later I was falling from the sky and me and Zazu from the Lion King were trying to wake up Magic Carpet ‘cause he got shot and if he woke up he could save us all, but he didn’t wake up and we all hit the ground and Carpet died. :(

So Zazu went over to a van to tell Matt that Carpet is dead and Matt walked over, but it totally didn’t look like Matt at all. It looked like this gay guy in my drawing class that has slight similarities to Matt. But in my dream he wasn’t gay, he was Matt.

But anyway I was crying on Carpet and Matt helped me up and then Carpet was gone. Matt asked me, “Where’s your sleeping bag?”

I told him, “Right there.”

“Get it because I want to ravish you in it over there by the road behind that car.”

So I grabbed it and was about to unroll it when he asked me, “Are you on birth control yet?”

I told him no, and he said, “Oh.”

Then he didn’t ravish me.

My dashboard right now is all either photos of sex or Jude Law.

And I’m all, “I can’t tell the difference.”